Spectre
by CrimsonObsession
Summary: -SEQUEL TO WHEN THE WORLD ENDS- Gaz is protecting Zim, Dib is trying to take him back into captivity, and the rest of the world prepares to face the Irken Armada. The deadline is running out... -FINAL CHAPTERS UP-
1. Chapter One: Gaz -Restitution-

12/03/01 A few days ago I did something I've been wanting to do since junior high. Seriously. I now have a bright scarlet red streak in my hair down each side of my face. Is so cool. Thank the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez for reminding me I wanted to do that. Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be talking about fic, aren't I?  
  
Okay, no, you guys didn't miss anything. I didn't put up any more chapters of When the World Ends with any nice little notices that it was over and another was on the way. The reason for this is...I didn't know. I made the decision to turn this into a trilogy only after I'd posted the Zey chapter of When the World Ends. I'm sorry for the lack of warning, and hope I haven't lost anybody in the process. Be assured that this IS the last fic, though I don't know how many chapters it's going to be. I'm hoping to finish it by the end of December. The multiple POVs are still there, but the quotes aren't coming JUST from In the End, as this chapter makes obvious. And that's about it, otherwise it's the same old same old. I hope you guys enjoy this one as much as you enjoyed the last two!  
  
Many thanks and cyber-Pocky to my two awesome betas, TD and Amethyst Soul!!! This fic series wouldn't be what it is without you guys!  
  
A final note, we're dancing into the realm of Alternate Universe here, people! Yes, I am fully and totally aware that Gaz HAS seen Zim without his disguise, and knows full well that he is an alien. I'm just ignoring 'Bloaty's Pizza Hog' for the purposes of this chapter ^_^. Bring the pain!  
  
Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
  
___________  
  
-There's something about the look in your eyes,  
  
Something I noticed when the light was just right.  
  
It reminded me twice that I was alive,  
  
and it reminded me (that) you're so worth the fight.  
  
My biggest fear will be the  
  
rescue of me...strange how  
  
it turns out that way.  
  
Could you show me, dear...something I've not  
  
seen? Something infinitely interesting.-  
  
-'Echo', Incubus  
  
-Chapter One: Gaz-Restitution-  
  
What I wouldn't give for one of Zim's old hover-disks. Small as he is, when unconscious he's still dead weight, which isn't light. And the several times we've had to take to the ventilation ducts to avoid people haven't made him any easier to carry.  
  
The door out of this hell-hole is a welcome sight. GIR skips ahead of me, laughing, and pushes it open...only to reveal a downpour.  
  
Funny. The forecast didn't call for rain.  
  
The water's now pounding on the overhang above me. I can't believe that didn't carry through the vents. Through the gray sheets I can barely make out the car parked in the lot across from us, nestled below the neighboring building, a much darker black against the shadows. A short distance. Assuming you don't mind a little water.  
  
I shift Zim's weight in my arms, enough to free up my right and slip my backpack off. My movements are awkward as I fumble around in the bag. GIR stops dancing in the rain long enough to come investigate, gets bored, and runs back out to catch the giant drops in his mouth. Despite the huge grin he's strangely silent. Apparently he knows how important these last few moments are.  
  
My searching fingers finally wrap around the small plastic tarp I brought for just such an occasion. As I pull it out the slight form in my arms squirms feebly, and I look down to wide red eyes. Zim's awake and staring at the rain. His breathing's sped up, and he seems transfixed by the sight. His lips move for a moment, as if he wants to say something but his brain hasn't okayed it yet.  
  
I toss the pack back on my shoulders, and his antennae flatten against his head, defensive. He manages to tear his gaze from the water to meet my eye. I try to make my voice reassuring, calming. "Zim, it's okay, I've got something to protect you."  
  
He seems to not understand at first, but I pull the tarp into his view and his rigid muscles relax marginally. I call the little robot over as I wrap Zim in the plastic as best I can. "GIR, I've got a job for you."  
  
Cyan eyes flash red. "Yes, my master!"  
  
I dig into my pockets to pull out my keys, and tap the button to unlock the car. "I just need you to go open the front door. Go that?" I point at the SUV, and comprehension dawns quickly on his face. With a hurried affirmative he runs off. Silver glints in the shadows for an instant.  
  
"You ready, Zim?" I wait for an answer, but his suddenly slack muscles tell me he's out again. That's fine, just makes things easier. The run to the car leaves me soaked. I lay him on the front seat, close the door, and hurry to the driver's side. Pulling a towel out of my backpack, I toss the bag to the floor on the passenger side, dry myself off, then hand the towel to GIR in the back seat. He squeals and pretends to hide from it on the floorboard.  
  
With deliberate movements I pull the tarp off of Zim, careful not to let any stray drops hit him. He is indeed unconscious, antennae hanging over his face, head resting on a shoulder. A pang seems to hit him in his sleep, his eyes squeezing tight and a low moan escaping his throat. Purple blood stands out sharply against the pale skin of his chest, in the shape of a heart.  
  
That bitch should be grateful I'm not a vengeful person.  
  
GIR finally decides to crawl up into the front. When I'm sure he's dry I let him sit next to Zim. They're both so small the seat almost dwarfs them. GIR buckles the seatbelt, a habit he picked up watching me. "One more job, GIR. I need you to take care of your master, okay? Just make sure he doesn't get moved around too much."  
  
"Yes, sir!" Red eyes, back to blue, then he leans against Zim with a contented sigh. A smile crosses my face, one of the first in years. Suddenly I'm feeling possessive, and protective. With more caution than usual, I start the car and pull out.  
  
"Okay boys, time to go home."  
  
_____  
  
Thankfully the rain has stopped by the time we make it back to the house. GIR hops out when I open the passenger side, and runs to unlock the front door. I grab the blanket and backpack off the car's floorboard, leave the tarp, and lift Zim out of the seat gently. GIR's turning on some of the house lights, and flips the switch for the porchlight. A slick purple wetness on the front seat reflects the faint glow as I close the car door.  
  
I start upstairs, think better of it, and lay Zim down on the couch in the living room. To distract GIR I put in a DVD, The Scary Monkey Show: All Time Best Growls. A quick trip to the lab, and I come back with an armful of first aid gear. Zim's still out cold, but it doesn't look like a peaceful sleep. Occasionally he clenches his fists, or stirs restlessly. I wish I had something to give him, but we found out long ago that human painkillers have no effect, and never got the chance to develop anything for him.  
  
The only obvious injury is the fresh cut on his chest. Though small, it's bleeding a lot, and as I clean it I'm idly thankful that my couch is already black. The tazer only caused temporary damage, and will have worn off fully by the time he wakes up. But his recent history is written all over him in the scars that crisscross his body. It's worse than I'd expected.  
  
He groans in his sleep. His eyes are squeezed shut again, a line of worry creasing his brow, the corners of his mouth turned down slightly. The skin of his face is still smooth and even, untouched by their 'experiments'. Experiments my ass.  
  
I run a hand along his forehead, smooth back his antennae and let my fingers wander down the side of his face. He leans into the touch, and relaxes by degrees until the pain has left his features. I find myself staring at him. No wonder he's suffered so much. The universe is too messed up for something that innocent to exist.  
  
Suddenly I want to see his eyes. I always liked his eyes. Not those contacts he wore, either. His true eyes.  
  
__________  
  
Dib was at another Swollen Eyeball meeting that day. He had decided to remain in the organization, had continued his rants exactly as before, which guaranteed no one would listen. He'd also begun to devote more time to his other paranormal projects, which kept him busy. He was hardly around then, and more and more frequently I would get calls from Zim, asking me to come over for a while to give him advice or to help him deal with GIR.  
  
His calls were always excuses to get me over to his house, where we would sit watching TV in companionable silence, or have video game tournaments that lasted hours and were punctuated by a great deal of boasting and teasing. His invader training translated well to gaming, and, while I always won, he did give me moments of challenge.  
  
Neither Zim nor Dib was aware that I knew the secret. I still can't believe how naive they both were back then. When Zim called that day he didn't give me a reason or excuse, just asked me to come over. The house was dark as I walked in, and GIR was nowhere to be found. At the sound of my footsteps Zim walked in from the kitchen. His brow was furrowed slightly, and he hurried to close the door behind me. I sat on the couch while he closed the shades.  
  
When he was satisfied he stood before me, doing his best 'deer-in-the- headlights' impersonation. "Gaz, there's something I must tell you."  
  
Just like my brother, Zim is always more fun when he gets flustered, so I couldn't help but play with him a bit before he said what I knew he was going to say. "Zim, if you tell me you've fallen in love with me I will be forced to kill you."  
  
His eyes got wider than I thought possible and his mouth fell open. An indignant shriek escaped his throat. "Have you the brain worms?!"  
  
I smirked. "So, what, you don't like me? Guess there's no point in being friends then."  
  
He gritted his teeth and started pacing the room like a caged animal. "Insufferable humans! With your mind games and deceptions-"  
  
"Deceptions? You're one to talk, Zim."  
  
He froze and tried to feign ignorance, laughed nervously. "Whatever do you mean?"  
  
I crossed my arms and gave him my best 'I am master' grin. "Just tell me."  
  
His moment of righteous anger vanished, leaving the fear behind again. He stared off into the kitchen, refusing to meet my gaze. Finally, he drew in a deep breath, and turned to me. "You are one of the only things that make this life tolerable, so I feel you deserve to know the truth. I am not what you think I am, Gaz."  
  
Oh, did he ever set himself up for that one. "What, you mean you're not an alien?"  
  
"No I...WHAT?" His face was a study in shock. It was all I could do to keep my laughter down to a snicker.  
  
"I knew the first time I saw you. You didn't think you could fool me with that 'skin condition' excuse, did you?" I swear I saw a faint blush on his cheeks. He jumped when I got up and tugged on his hair. It came off, revealing smooth green skin. Two fragile antennae sprang up at the release, and twitched a few times before he reached up to scratch them.Without a word he walked into the kitchen.  
  
He came back a moment later, and opened his eyes.  
  
Solid red stared back at me, no whites, no lavender, no pupils at all. Just a pure bright red. They were perfect. And for the first time I really saw him, saw him for exactly what he was. Something not human, a stranger in the strangest, most fucked up land of them all. How could anyone live with being so alone?  
  
As the seconds dragged on, fear began to heighten in his expressive gaze. I realized what he was afraid of. Rejection. He wasn't alone, not yet. Not unless me and Dib let him be.  
  
"I like you better without your disguise."  
  
He sighed and relief flooded his features. "So what's GIR, an alien mongoose?" With a smile he led me down to his lab. I never regretted my decision.  
  
__________  
  
1. 'Echo', by Incubus. Album, Morning View. Written by Boyd, Eizinger, Katunich, Pasillas II, Kilmore. Copyright 2001 EMI April Music Inc. and Hunglikeyora Music. Again, the lyrics for this chapter were chosen AFTER the chapter was written, but they fit surprisingly well. And I recommend this CD to the highest degree possible. The music is overall soothing, and the lyrics are some of the most poetic I've ever heard. Truly beautiful stuff. I'm planning a Dib/Zim fic based on Wish You Were Here happy little sigh. 


	2. Chapter Two: Purple -Contempt-

12/23/01 HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!! Oh my Tallest, I got more fic!!! Sorry for the insane length of time this has taken. The chapter after was giving me the most amazing difficulty. And yes, I'll admit it, I was reading 'Fellowship of the Ring' when I should've been writing. I couldn't help it! Greater people than I have been tempted by the One Ring. Anyone who hasn't seen that movie yet...what are you waiting for?!!! It kicks so much ass it's not even funny. I'll probably see it again before it leaves theaters, but I'm definitely reading the series. I can NOT wait till next Christmas for a continuation of that cliffhanger.  
  
Anyhoo, anyone interested might wanna check out my little bloggy-thing at http://invadertat.diaryland.com. In it I talk about when I'm updating, review movies and stuff, and scream about all the new Invader Zim merchandise at Hot Topic (THEY'VE GOT BEANIE HATS!!!! WITH ZIM!!!! MUST BUY!!!!!). So if you wanna know about upcoming fics and such, drop on by. I'd love visitors!! And if my egotistical Irken alter-ego shows up, just ignore her.  
  
Anyway, I think I'll dedicate this chapter to my bestest friend TD, as it was his idea to do this POV, and to Lacey, because she's such a fangirl ^_~. And to everyone reading, for that matter. I can't believe the reviews are still coming in, you people make me feel so loved!!!! happy sobs THANK YOU!!! Just think of this as my Christmas gift to you all...or holiday of your choice, heh ^_^. Hope you guys enjoy! Bring the pain!!!  
  
Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
  
___________  
  
-You won't ever amount to much  
  
You won't be anyone  
  
Now tell me what you were thinking of  
  
How could you think you would be enough  
  
It's not that you have stayed too long  
  
And it's not that you've done something wrong  
  
It's not your fault  
  
That you embarass us all-  
  
-'Hand Me Down', Wallflowers  
  
-We'd let you leave,  
  
But no one else wants you  
  
Your ransom was not made,  
  
Now you don't have to stand up tall,  
  
But now baby you must stand up-  
  
-'Witness', Wallflowers  
  
-Chapter Two: Purple -Contempt-  
  
"Refresh my memory. Why did we come to this stinking backwater planet in the first place?" Red is bored. He lays back in his command chair, trying to balance a slender pen on the tip of one equally slender finger. Images of said backwater planet cross the main viewscreen, and he ignores them. I swear, if it doesn't involve eating or fighting, he could care less.  
  
"I've told you a hundred times already."  
  
"I wasn't listening." His eyes never leave the pen. It topples off his finger for the fourth time in as many minutes, and he catches it effortlessly and starts all over again.  
  
"And what assurance do I have that you'll be listening this time?" I snap as I cross my arms.  
  
He curses softly under his breath as the pen falls again. "I probably won't be."  
  
Oh, for the love of...  
  
I bury my face in my hands, and rub my forehead. I feel a headache coming on. Of course, that's customary. The day Red's attitude doesn't give me a headache will be the day Irk has one less Tallest.  
  
"We are here for two reasons. First, to take care of this miserable race before it becomes a threat."  
  
He barks a laugh, and the pen falls again. "You're joking, right?"  
  
"Weren't you watching the footage Zim sent back? Wait, never mind, of course you weren't. These earthenoids may be pathetic, and stinking, and ugly, and ridiculously stupid, and-"  
  
"Yeah yeah, get to the point!" he growls as the pen falls again. I glare at him, but he's not looking and doesn't notice.  
  
"I was about to before you interrupted me. Despite their many...MANY flaws, these people seem to be adaptable. With Zim's base at their disposal, and given enough time, they might be able to develop ships, and weapons. And while they'll be pathetically outmatched by our... superiorness, they'll still be more of a nuisance than they are now. And of course there's alway the chance that one of the more advanced races in the universe will see that we let the earthenoids live, and will get into their empty heads the idea that they might be able to stand up to our great might, and-"  
  
He curses again as that damned pen falls. I think my eyelid is starting to twitch. He turns when he notices I've stopped talking.  
  
"So what's the second reason?" What, he's actually listening now? Miracle of miracles.  
  
"The second reason is, of course, that most valid and noble reason of all. Revenge."  
  
He's back to his little balancing act, but is apparently still paying some attention. "Revenge? For what?"  
  
"For a direct strike against the great and powerful Irken Empire, of course. They dared to attack and capture an Irken soldier, and so deserve immediate and mostly painful death."  
  
Another laugh jumps from his throat, this one tinged with disbelief. "You mean ZIM?! Come on! He wasn't a soldier. He was barely even an Irken." He snorts, disgust crossing his face. "No proper Irken is that short."  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
"But Zim was an embarassment! We WANTED him to end up like that!"  
  
"...Do you want to blow the stinking place up or not?"  
  
"Oh, when you put it that way..." he shrugs and goes back to his little game, balancing that pen...that awful, awful pen. I'm playing with the idea of ripping that pen out of his hands and jabbing it into one of his vital organs when he looks up at me.  
  
"You want somethin' to eat?" As soon as he says it I'm hungry. It's like one of the great rules of the cosmos or something, the minute someone asks if you want to eat, you will, even if you weren't thinking about it mere seconds ago.  
  
"Yeah, but I don't know what. I feel like a..."  
  
"Cheese sandwich!" he cries.  
  
Mm...cheese..."But I don't want a sandwich. I want...I want..." Eureka..."Nachos!"  
  
He hits the com button on his chair to make the order, but frowns at me over his shoulder. "Nachos? Over a cheese sandwich? What's wrong with you?"  
  
If I never suspected his intelligence before, I do now. "What's wrong with you? Nachos are the penultimate food group! They're the universe's best snack food! There is no greater food than nachos!"  
  
"You're crazy. A good cheese sandwich beats your nachos any day. With their runny melted cheese, and that hideous smell...not to mention they'll kill you eventually." He nods sagely, as if he actually cared about the health value of his food. "Yep. Stinky gooey doom, that's what they are."  
  
"Are not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Are not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Oooh, food!" I grab a tray from the short soldier that just entered the bridge. A plain cheese sandwich sits beside a box of steaming nachos. Aah, the sweet sweet stink of processed cheese. Red grabs his sandwich and I take a huge gulp of my Glorp soda before diving into the nachos. I'm in cheesy heaven.  
  
"Hey. Give me a nacho." I don't even look up, merely roll my eyes as I pass the chip over. We go through this almost every day. I lick the dripping cheese off my fingers and continue eating, and ignore it when Red starts to reach over every few minutes to snatch another chip off the pile.  
  
After a while of food-induced silence, broken only by the beeps of consoles and the swish of the crew's uniforms as they work, Red starts to snicker. It's the kind of snicker that says he's just thought of something hilarious, and if I don't ask him now he'll keep snickering until I break down or he breaks down and tells me. I sigh, resigned to my asking fate. "What's so funny?"  
  
"Did you see the look on Zim's face when I did that whole 'die for your leaders' bit?"  
  
I can't help but laugh at that. "His jaw nearly hit the floor! But he was sure pissed. I didn't even know the shrimp had it in him. That glare he sent you could've fried the fur off a Slaughtering Rat Person."  
  
"He was glaring at you."  
  
"He was glaring at you!"  
  
"No, you!"  
  
"You!"  
  
"You!  
  
"YOU!"  
  
"Whatever." He turns away in a slight huff, starts to cross his arms, then settles for grabbing his cup and taking a furious sip. A slurping noise escapes the straw as he reaches the last of his drink, and the sound echoes through the bridge.  
  
"So when do we get to rain some doom down upon this spinning ball of filth?"  
  
I push a button on my chair and a holographic timer pops up and hovers over the arm, counting down the minutes till the planet's death. "They've got ten hours."  
  
He leans back in his chair again, juts out his lower lip. "Why did we even give them a deadline anyway? It's a waste of time."  
  
"We had to give them a chance to surrender."  
  
"Why?" Oh Irk. He's picked up that damned pen again. Must...find something...to distract him!  
  
"Because it's so much fun to catch 'em off guard. Let them think we'll grant them mercy, get all relieved and happy, THEN blow the stinking planet up!" He considers this for a moment, finger tapping against his chin, eyes fixed on the ceiling.  
  
"I knew there was a reason I kept you around. So, when can we get out the confetti and streamers?"  
  
_____  
  
'Hand Me Down' and 'Witness', written by Jakob Dylan. Copyright Jumbo Brothers Music/ASCAP. Performed by The Wallflowers. Album, Breach. Most of this CD makes me think of Zim, and with quotes like those you can see why. This album is absolutely exquisite, one of my all time favorites, so soothing even in the midst of hyperness ^_^. If you've heard 'Sleepwalker' on the radio you've had a sampling. I urge everyone to go, buy this CD!!! Or at least rent it from your local library or something. 


	3. Chapter Three: Zim -Jaded-

1/3/02-This would've been up yesterday, had my %#$^*& computer not decided to eat the fourth chapter I'd spent many hours on, not to mention everything I'd written since Vindication. Thank the Tallest for FFN...and emails. I still can't believe I managed to rewrite that whole chapter. Or that I was able to refrain from putting a hammer through my computer. Anyhoo, onto happier things. As well as Staind's Break the Cycle and Sting's Brand New Day (gotta love Desert Rose!), I got Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory! I can now listen to Crawling, One Step Closer, and even In the End whenever I want! Everyone who's been reading this should know how happy this has made me ^_^. I also got a gift certificate to Hot Topic huggles Zim beanie, Zim hoodie, and black and white Nny shirt fervently. Anyway, I hope everyone else had wonderful holidays, and that no one was struck down by any errant fireworks on New Years. Let's all work to make this new year the year of the ZIM!!!! WHOOHOO!!! Some of my freaky little haiku were accepted by RevolutionSF.com, and put in the Sci-ku section. Me happy. Me do insane happy dance. And a final announcement, me and Amethyst are organizing a contest at Planet Irth for Zim fanfiction! I hope to see you all entering!! Just from looking around here I know there're TONS of fics that you guys NEED to enter, really really GOOD fics, so please keep checking at Planet Irth for the rules and information (http://z_questionmark.tripod.com/planetirth/) and join the mailing list at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PIZimFics/ to keep updated. We hope to have it up as soon as possible, but the deadline isn't till April so you guys've got plenty of time ^_^.  
  
Ahem, best wishes to you all, huge thank yous for your continued support, words cannot express how much it helps me, and more Super Massive-o Glomps to my betas, TD and Amethyst Soul, for convincing me that this chapter didn't suck. For that matter, without them I probably would've ripped my hair out before rewriting the fourth one. Oh, and to Aliet, for that horribly painful and beautiful chapter of Collateral Damage. We better be getting more soon!!! Thanks too for Idgiebay and Invader Ally, for reviewing my original piece 'I Never Knew'. I didn't actually expect any response to it, but I'm so glad for it, and it does help to know there're people out there who've felt the same way. Besides, that was my first original work, so it does feel really good to know it was somewhat worth reading ^_^. Oh, and I'm glad you guys enjoyed my pathetic attempts at humor in the last chapter. Replicas of Red's pen are now being sold on eBay...no, I kid ^_^. But don't get used to the funny stuff, oh no. Now shouts for her to shut up...uh...Bring the pain!  
  
Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
  
___________  
  
-I never conquered, rarely came  
  
16 just held such better days  
  
Days when I still felt alive  
  
I couldn't wait to get outside  
  
The world was wide, too late to try  
  
The tour was over, I'd survive  
  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
  
To pass the time in my room alone-  
  
-'Adam's Song', Blink 182  
  
-I put my trust in you  
  
Pushed as far as I can go  
  
For all this  
  
There's only one thing you should know  
  
I tried so hard and got so far  
  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter  
  
I had to fall, to lose it all  
  
But in the end it doesn't even matter-  
  
-'In the End', Linkin Park  
  
-Chapter Three: Zim -Jaded-  
  
Consciousness comes slowly, brings pain. Pain so intense the dimensional plane seems to shift around me, leaving me groping for purchase, anything to hold onto, to keep my sanity. It would frighten me...if I weren't so used to it. Physical pain has been with me longer than I care to think about.  
  
I push the anguish down, till it becomes a dull throbbing that I can ignore. It's amazing the control a being can have over their own body. 'Mind over matter', as the humans say.  
  
Where am I? Last I remember, that...-woman- had me. I can't help but shudder. Is she still here? I lie still, assessing my surroundings. No sound; no rustle of pristine white labcoat, no infuriating click of heels. There's no presence in the room, and I crack open one eye, bracing myself. But instead of the lancing sharpness of the operating room lights, there's only darkness, only a shadowed ceiling to fill my view.  
  
How long has it been since I've been in the dark? That damn room they kept me in, the labs, all were filled with light. Except for the halls, the last months have been blindingly bright. I can't still be in the lab...  
  
Wait, before I passed out...there was someone there, someone else. Someone caught her? Am I back with them? Any minute now Dib will probably walk in, ranting about how that woman almost ruined a perfectly good alien.  
  
But if I'm with them, why is the surface under me soft?  
  
I try to turn over, which only renews that irritating little agony from earlier, so I settle for turning my head. A thick, cushy substance is on my left; a navy pillow. To my right, a massive stand with a TV and various game systems. The systems aren't familiar, though I recognize the names from a much more pleasant period of my life.  
  
Obviously, I'm not in the labs anymore. Could it possibly...  
  
A light, rhythmic tapping noise starts up. If I strain I can just barely make out a blue-gray wall some distance past my feet. There's a window with the shades pulled back; fat drops of rain spatter the glass, the source of the tapping.  
  
Rain, water, dripping, incessantly dripping. I can feel the burn, phantom pain of countless experiments. They tried to break me, pushed my tolerance, and even after I was forced to succumb they pressed on, relentless. A dull ache spreads through my forehead but I can't tear my eyes from the water, can't keep myself from trying to follow the path of each and every drop, from feeling them trail a fiery path down my chest, burning my skin-  
  
"Ahem."  
  
I literally jump, ending up in a sitting position which sets my chest afire for real. But pain doesn't matter, not when I see her. She's leaning against the door jamb, to the right of the couch I'm laying on, arms crossed over her chest. She's still dressed in blacks and grays. Purple hair still clings around her face and curls against her neck, shining despite the dim light. She doesn't smile, but her dark, kohl-lined eyes are open, and amusement flickers somewhere in their depths.  
  
At this moment, she's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  
  
My voice is hoarse when I finally manage to use it. "How did you..."  
  
"Does it really matter?"  
  
I shake my head. Irk, how I missed her. "Simply an attempt to reassure myself. This isn't too far from my dreams, and I don't want to be too disappointed if I wake up."  
  
She smirks and disappears down the hall. Without the distraction of her presence, the pain makes itself known again, and I look down to see a large bandage across my chest. That human cut me. I wonder how bad it is. It sure feels bad enough.  
  
I scoot back and collapse against the arm of the couch as my strength leaves me. All of a sudden I'm exhausted, I'm aching...and I'm free. I've never felt better.  
  
"If you mess up my first aid job with all that squirming I'll have to redo it. And this time I'll use plenty of disinfectant. Stinging, burning disinfectant."  
  
I didn't hear her coming, any more than I heard her the first time. Gaz has got to be the only person on this planet that's that quiet. And she should be, considering she's spent most of her life trying to avoid people. A black blanket appears, seemingly from nowhere, and the moment it covers me I realize I'm cold.  
  
Deft hands are suddenly behind my back, pushing me to sit up long enough for one to slip a few pillows behind me. The blanket slides into my lap, and I pull it back up as I relax into the cushions. After a moment Gaz finally comes into view, holding a small tray. She sets it in front of me, using one hand to steady the bowl sitting on it. Wisps of steam rise from the broth inside, curling into the air. I lean over and let them warm my face before lifting the spoon and taking a sip.  
  
"My compliments to the chef."  
  
"I'll tell Mr. Campbell." She sits on the end of the couch. A smile flashes across her face, but is gone all too quickly. "Zim...I..."  
  
"Master?" An inquisitive voice drifts down the hall, a very familiar one. It can't be though, he was deactivated, wasn't he?  
  
The shock must be evident on my face, because Gaz smiles at me again and pats the blanket before calling, "I'm in here, GIR." He appears in the door, not wearing his disguise, clutching a plastic moose toy.  
  
"Master! Mr. Scolex Moose wants to go play in the-" His eyes go wide as he recognizes me. Suddenly my arms are filled with one very happy robot.  
  
"Master! Master Master Master! Yaaaay Master's back!" By the Ta...This feels so good. I let go, and just hold him, ignoring the protestations of my injuries. One of the worst parts of my captivity was thinking he was gone, deactivated or destroyed. I can't believe...  
  
"Master! Other Master took care of me! Now I got TWO Masters! And Mr. Moose, Master, meet Mr. Scolex Moose. Mr. Scolex Moose likes you, Master, wanna play with Mr. Scolex Moose?" Reluctantly, I let him go, and content myself with watching him. His cyan 'eyes' are shining and he's got the biggest grin on his face, as he holds his little plastic moose out to me. Behind him Gaz is...crying? This is certainly a day for unusual occurences. I wondered if she were even able to cry. Then I realize similar tears are running down my own face.  
  
"You got me out of there AND you've saved GIR. How did you..."  
  
"We helped you 'scape-ded, Master! There was a bad lady, and lights, and tunnels in tha' ceiling, and- and I got to wear a hat!" He jumps to the floor, acting out the 'scape', then climbs back on my lap.  
  
Gaz smiles at him, a smile filled with affection. Another strange thing to see, coming from her, but I'm definitely not complaining. "GIR was a big help. Life would have been boring without him around." For a moment her eyes darken, something I can't decipher passing behind them. I make a mental note to ask her about it later.  
  
"Master, Mr. Scolex Moose wants to play!"  
  
I give GIR another hug, still trying to reassure myself that he's actually here. "Well GIR, there is one thing I haven't done in a while." I catch Gaz's eye. "You up for a little tournament?"  
  
The old competitive grin comes back. "Just name the system. I haven't had a challenge in too long."  
  
_____  
  
After several rounds of an amusing game called 'Extraterrestrial Doom', and the deaths of many polygonal humans at the hands of vicious aliens, I send GIR off on an errand, leaving me and Gaz alone. At first she continues to play, and as we talk she refuses to meet my gaze. Finally I can't take it anymore.  
  
"Gaz, what's wrong?" I almost growl at her. Her back stiffens, then she reaches over and turns the game off.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
It catches me by surprise, but when she looks at me I can now see that the darkness is guilt. "Gaz, you have no reason to be sorry. There was nothing you could've done."  
  
Fire flashes in her eyes. "I got you out. I should've been able to get you out before. Before you had to go through that."  
  
"And what then? Would you try to hide me? Try to go someplace new, to get another disguise?"  
  
That stops her, and she stares at the floor, trying to fight what she knows to be true. "I hid GIR."  
  
"They weren't hunting GIR."  
  
"They won't come now. They're busy with the armada. And if they do come..." Her gaze is dangerous when she looks up, her mouth set in a grim line. "They're not going to hurt you again."  
  
There's no response I can make. We sit for a while, quiet, neither willing or able to speak. After what feels like an eternity, she breaks the silence with a whisper, barely audible.  
  
"Does Dib even know what he's done?" My thoughts turn to Dib, not as he was but as I've seen him for the past months. I've had ample time to dwell on his actions, and yet answers are still hard in coming.  
  
"Dib knows. And yet he doesn't. I don't think he's allowed himself to see it yet."  
  
She stares out the window, into the dark. "You know, after that night...he never called you by your name."  
  
"It makes sense. If he can deny what he's done, deny to himself that I'm as much a person as anyone else, it makes it easier." My chest is hurting again, and a headache is slowly forming. "It's still Dib. That's the most painful part. If he weren't himself anymore, if he wasn't in control...but it's still Dib."  
  
I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't want to think about him. As if sensing my thoughts, Gaz gets up and heads for the door. "I think we should move you downstairs. There's places in the lab, places only me and Dib could find."  
  
"And if he comes?"  
  
She doesn't answer.  
  
_____  
  
1. 'Adam's Song', by Blink 182. Albums, 'Enema of the State' (studio version) and 'The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show' (live version). Sorry I don't have the copyright information, don't sue me, please! It's almost scary how well this song fits Zim, and when I decided to start using quotes from other songs I knew this one had to be in here somewhere ^_^. I order you to go out and get one of these CDs! Or find the song somehow, they might be playing it on the radio a lot, depending on what your stations are like. Both albums are great (though one must REALLY pay attention to the parental discretion label thingy on the Mark Tom and Travis Show), and this song is so very poignant. And angsty, can't forget the angst.  
  
2. 'In the End,' by Linkin Park. Album, Hybrid Theory. Written by Linkin Park. Copyright 2000 Zomba Music/ChesterChaz Publishing/Big Bad Mr. Hahn Music/Nondisclosure Agreement Music/Rob Bourdon Music/Kenji Kobayashi Music BMI. If you've read the series up till this point, you'll be well aware of my views on this song. Just go buy the CD! ^_^ 


	4. Chapter Four: Dev -Observer-

3/14/02-HAPPY BIRFDAY BRIDGETTE!!!!! I didn't remember whether I'd sent this to you for beta, but I don't think so, so here it is. And to everyone else, I'm sorry it's been so long since I worked on this fic. What with the cancellation I felt I needed something less...intense to work on, so I did two other fics...which both turned out somewhat intense anyway, I suppose, but not like this ^_^. The deal is, though, I haven't actually written Chapter Five, so it may be a while longer before the last few chapters get up. But there aren't many more! We're getting into the home stretch now! And the chapters after this, I might have to just write them all at once and post them one right after the other. We'll see what happens. I promise to get them out as quickly as possible! Until then, hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and thanks for your continued support and the few threats I've received ^_^. Now, bring the pain!  
  
-What I've felt  
  
What I've known  
  
Never shined through in what I've shown  
  
Never see  
  
Never be  
  
Won't see what might have been  
  
What I've felt  
  
What I've known  
  
Never shined through in what I've shown  
  
Never free  
  
Never me  
  
So I dub thee...unforgiven-  
  
-'Unforgiven', Metallica  
  
-Chapter Four: Dev -Observer-  
  
I do my job. I do what I have to. I do what needs to be done.  
  
Doesn't mean I have to like it. Some aspects are less than desirable. Such as the task I'm currently on. I should've just let one of the army drones do this, let 'em clean up their own mess. Actually, I would, if I weren't afraid Dib would kill the messenger for sake of the message. At least this way I know no bodily harm will come of it. I hope.  
  
Out of everyone on this base, I'm probably the only person immune to Dib's anger. And boy is he ever gonna be angry. Hell, I was. If Zey hadn't been unconscious when we found her, I would've taken her out myself. And this project is far more important to Dib. This is definitely not gonna be easy to tell him.  
  
Now...if I were Dib, where would I be? A survey of my surroundings is of no help. All I can see is darkness, and the shadows of the squat buildings scattered around the base. No sign of life, no movement, no sound. Not even a hint of breathing, though my own breath is echoing back at me. He's gotta be around here somewhere.  
  
Thirty minutes of searching and talking to everyone in sight has so far yielded no results, save for the vague, "I think he's over there. Somewhere. Maybe," that was all one officer had to offer. The security in this place is brilliant. I swear the alien could've walked himself out of here without raising an alarm.  
  
But he didn't, not without leaving a trail of blood. I've seen the security tapes of Zey's own little 'personal experiment'. Just before something shorted the cameras she gave him quite a souvenir. A souvenir that should've bled profusely. That's inconsistent with the small droplets and occasional puddles we found. That, my gut instinct, and the torrential downpour that happened to be going on at the time of the escape, are all the proof I need.  
  
The alien was taken out of there. If I didn't know the details, I might assume some activist had done it, or maybe a fanatic whack job hoping to trade the alien back to his people for safety. People do strange things when faced with the possibility of war.  
  
Whoever it was allowed the alien to have his fun, though. He certainly found a creative use for that drip; that was an act of revenge, pure and simple. Not that I blame him. That bitch deserved what she got, and then some. I'm just thankful I wasn't the one he got his claws on. I wonder what Zey's gonna have to say about his accomplice's identity...once she wakes up.  
  
Dib, where the hell are you?! I'm still in the southern quarter of the base, surrounded by labs, mostly. Flat, featureless buildings, empty alleys, nothing but darkness punctuated by ever darker shadows. This is pointless, I might as well go back and check the dorms aga...  
  
A dumpster by one of the labs catches my eye. It's stupid, but right now I'm desperate enough that I'm not above grasping at a few straws. I've known Dib a long time, since I worked as an intern on his father's show, though we didn't really become friends until working together on the project. I often visited the Membrane household, to help the Professor or bring him something from the lab across town. And half of the nights I was over there, Dib could be found in the same place. The roof.  
  
He used to pop his head over the edge in response to my calls. That long stalk of black hair would fall into his face, and his eyes were always wide, bright and eager with possibility. It always struck me as funny. He was so certain that he would be the one out of thousands to finally discover life in outer space. And he did. Guess the joke's on me. Or rather on the alien.  
  
With a grumble and a grunt I pull myself onto the dumpster, trying to ignore the rancid smell. If I stretch I can just wrap my fingers around the edge of the roof. It's almost a minute before I can haul my skinny ass up, and for a moment I can only lay there, panting. So I can't ever find the time to make it to the gym. So I'm a busy scientist, with lots of important sciency stuff to do. So sue me.  
  
When I can breathe without an accompanying wheezing noise, I push myself up and turn to scan the roof. It's as flat and featureless as the rest of the buildings, save for the other pale figure lying across the middle of it. Dib's on his back, head pillowed on his arms, staring at the night sky. I've found him, hooray for me.  
  
He doesn't even look at me as I get up and plop down beside him. I stare with him, for a few moments, but can't keep quiet for long. I love quiet as much as the next guy, but I don't think silence is what Dib needs right now. "You know, I never used to look at the stars much, when I was a kid. They're just little balls of light, floating around the void. Surrounded by nothing. Way too much nothingness for my tastes. Reminds me too much of how insignificant everything is. I preferred to stay indoors, watching my pet hamsters for hours on end, or vegging out with some nature documentaries. My parents certainly didn't have to worry about what their boy was gonna be when he grew up."  
  
No response. Time for a more direct approach. "So...you haven't done this since before we lost your father. So I gotta say to myself, 'Self. What's bugging Dib?'"  
  
He finally glares at me. "I'm thinking. The kind of thinking that requires silence, and privacy."  
  
Well, at least I know he's alive. Good thing I know when not to take a hint. "That conference sure yielded some interesting results, huh? Funny that the alien was actually telling the truth. Well, he was wrong about the whole attacking thing, but he was serious when he said he was in exile." Dib goes tense as a deer cornered by a pack of wolves. Bingo.  
  
Dib and the alien had some acquaintance long before Dib turned him in, I've known that for some time. But I can't help but wonder what kind of acquaintance it was. Is he feeling guilty for what he's done? The alien was trying to take over the world, of course, Dib was perfectly justified in his actions. Hell, he's a hero! But conscience is a freaky thing. Guilt is quite possible, I guess, even probable. I know I've felt the twinges...  
  
Suddenly my mind's thrown back, to one of the early days of the project. Dib had a visitor with him, the only one he ever brought to the lab. Despite the purple hair that clung around her face, and her black clothes- kinda, what's that style called? 'goth' -it took me a while to recognize her as the little sister I'd seen hanging around the house. Of course, the portable game thing she played while Dib filled out the security forms should've clued me in.  
  
I tried to intoduce myself, and got a glare that would've boiled water before she turned back to the game. Then Dib asked me to show her the alien. A strange request, indeed. I figured either she was interested in the novelty of it or, assuming the sibling rivalry I remembered was still there, she refused to believe Dib was actually right about something.  
  
We walked down the dimly lit hall to the Cage in silence, broken only by the beeps and ringing noises of that game. Frankly, I was afraid to talk to her. There was something unnerving about her, something I still can't place. And the way she was playing that thing in near-darkness; I swear, the woman must have the night vision of a big cat.  
  
At the appearance of light down the hall, she turned the game off, shoved it in a pocket, and took off running. When I reached her she was standing at the large glass window, one hand raised to it, staring fixedly into the Cage. The alien was curled up in the middle of the room, eyes closed and muscles lax. I've seen him like that a few times since, but that was the first time I'd ever seen him sleeping.  
  
It was also when the first hints of guilt started to creep in. There was just something about him, he looked so...well, innocent. I shrugged it off, almost anything can look innocent when it's asleep, and focused instead on Dib's sister.  
  
That didn't help my previous unease. Her eyes were wide, chips of cold amber with who knows what hell trapped inside. The nails of her upraised hand seemed anxious to dig into the bulletproof glass. A single tear made its inexorable way down one pale cheek.  
  
I was struck with the certainty that I was the only person alive to have seen her like that, and the surety that she'd probably kill me for it. Trying to force such foolish thoughts out of my head, I shifted my weight on my feet and watched the floor for what seemed like hours, until she turned on a furious heel and retreated down the hall at a pace I could barely match.  
  
When she told her brother with a growl that she was going to stay and watch the experiment for the day, I think my eyes must've doubled in size. Throughout the drip experiment she was silent, a statue, as...  
  
She did it.  
  
I don't believe it. Dib's own sister stole the alien from him! I don't know how I know, but...and Dib's going to know too, as soon as I tell him, I'm sure of-  
  
"Professor Membrane!" I jump about a foot in the air. Dib's sitting now, too, eyes wide. He gets to his feet and runs to the edge of the roof, and I follow. An officer is on the ground, walking around and calling Dib's name, his back to us.  
  
"What do you people want now?" At Dib's shout the officer jumps and turns. Good, at least we scared him as much as he scared us.  
  
"Sir! They're planning a strategic meeting, they've requested your presence, sir." Dib rolls his eyes and, with a growl, leaps onto the dumpster with a grace that should only be reserved for an animal. Now I see the family resemblance; she's a big cat and he's a damn wolf.  
  
By the time I manage to lower myself to the dumpster, in a somewhat less flashy manner, Dib is almost out of sight, stomping behind the officer on the way to the north of the base. I run to catch up. "Boss, wait! There's something you've gotta know."  
  
He stops and stares as I run up. His fists are clenched at his sides, and now I'm not so certain I'm safe from bodily injury. The officer's already retreated to several feet ahead, and watches us with a wary gaze. This is going to hurt.  
  
"Dib...the alien is gone."  
  
_____ 


	5. Chapter Five: Dib -Resolution-

5/23/02- It's done. Wow. It's almost hard to believe.  
  
First off, sorry that it's taken SO long to get this out!!! I just went through the worst case of writer's block I've ever experienced O_o. Thanks to everyone who kept nagging me to get it done, and to everyone who's still reading after all this time ^_^!!! For that matter, thank you all for the incredible reviews and support you've given this series! It was more than I ever expected. I'm posting chapter 5 tonight, chapter 6 tomorrow, and the end chapters on Saturday, and I hope everyone enjoys them as much as I enjoyed writing it. This fic, which I've been working on since the beginning of my Zim*obsession, has been a huge part of my life since I started it, oh, way back in August or so. I'm sad to see it end, but glad that I could do it justice. So thank you all for reading, taking the time to write, and I hope you're as satisfied with the ending as I am!  
  
I'd like to dedicate the remaining chapters, hell, the entire fic, to my betas! Amethyst Soul and Idgiebay, who were invaluable in their feedback and support, I'm so grateful to you both! And TD, who not only gave the best feedback a person could ask for, but who helped me hone the plot and so much more. If it weren't for him, this fic wouldn't be what it is. I love you all and don't know what I'd do without you!  
  
Oh well. Enough of my sentimentalism. Time to bring the pain!  
  
Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
  
___________  
  
Chapter Five-Dib-Resolution  
  
-I know I've got a face in me  
  
Points out all my mistakes to me  
  
You've got a face on the inside too  
  
Your paranoia's probably worse  
  
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand  
  
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is  
  
I can't add up to what you can  
  
But everybody has a face that they hold inside  
  
A face that awakes when they close their eyes  
  
A face that watches everytime they lie  
  
A face that laughs everytime they fall  
  
[And watches everything]  
  
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim  
  
The face inside is watching you too/Right inside your skin  
  
The sun goes down  
  
I feel the light betray me-  
  
-"Papercut", Linkin Park  
  
"This office refuses to give in to terrorist demands! That's policy and always has been!"  
  
"These are hardly your average terrorists! What we've got here is the worst hostage situation imaginable, and the hostages number in the billions!" The voices continue to raise exponentially, each one fighting to be heard above the others, believing unalterably that their solution is the only one feasible. The fear in the room is stifling.  
  
I couldn't care less. For all the arguement and protestations of the very few doves left, the eventual outcome is obvious. It will all come down to force. It always does. Anyone who made it through hi skool history could tell you that. Humanity has no other solutions.  
  
It's none of my concern. I prepared them for this, fought my fight already. If it weren't for me they'd not only be suffering the debilitating shock of the biggest surprise in their mediocre lives, they'd be helpless against the technology they're facing. Thanks to me, they have a chance now. My role in this is done.  
  
They asked me here for advice but I have none to give. I warned them of those creatures' imperialistic nature. That's all they need to know to make the decision they have to. And had I any more advice to give, they wouldn't hear it. I've been trying to interject for an hour, only to be ignored. They're not even aware of what's happened.  
  
If it had been anyone but Dev...I wish I could've vented my fury on the messenger. Instead I'm stuck with this seething in my gut, this burning. Gone. Everything I've worked for, devoted my entire life to. Everything I gave up my soul for. Later I might have to bribe one of the guards to let me spend a moment alone with that bitch. Her sickness cost me everything. I will pay her back. My sister isn't the only one well versed in the art of revenge.  
  
My sister. My dear, sweet, loving sister. I should've seen it coming. I KNEW it was coming, that wasn't the issue. I was foolish to let my defenses drop for that second it finally came true, that one moment of terror and shock and utter relief. But even if I hadn't faltered, it wouldn't have changed anything. What she wants, she will have. I'm nowhere near stupid enough to say I don't fear her. She has methods and means I can't begin to guess at, ways of getting whatever she wants.  
  
It's just lucky for the world that she never wanted anything to do with it. Otherwise we might be fighting her now, instead of the monsters. It's ridiculous to think that, that one person could do as much as, or perhaps more than, those hordes of aliens ready to rain death on this planet. Ridiculous unless you've met her.  
  
But she couldn't be bothered. Wouldn't give humanity the thought required to decide that world domination might be a fun way to spend a life. I don't blame her. She can't stand to be near them, why would she want to rule them? She's found a more worthwhile goal in making my life miserable.  
  
I know she did it. There's not a doubt in my mind, and if anyone cared they'd see it too. If they knew her. Knew how much she wanted it. How much she hated me for doing what I had to. How the alien fooled her as much as he tried to fool me. I still don't understand how he succeeded. How does one of the most egotistical beings in the universe fool the most cynical, guarded one on this planet?  
  
I don't think I'll be able to make her see. She's gone too far. The most I can hope for is to get her out of the way, and pray that she'll forgive me later. Cause she'd never forget. Not if I...  
  
There's no alternative. The Earth may be doomed, and I...it's the alien's fault. All his fault. It has to be done. I knew that the moment I started this, knew exactly how it would end. How it has to end. It's time.  
  
The leaders of the world don't even notice as I leave the room.  
  
__________ 


	6. Chapter Six: -Reminiscence-

[5/24/02] Off to watch Zim...Bring the pain!  
  
Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
___________  
  
Chapter Six-Reminiscence  
  
-Seven am;  
the garbage truck beeps as it backs up  
and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.  
Could I push rewind?  
All the credits traverse, signifying the end  
but I missed the best part.  
Could we please go back to start?-  
-"11 am", Incubus  
  
-It's better than I ever knew  
Meet me in outer space  
I will hold you close, it you're afraid of heights.  
I need you to see this place, it might be the only way...-  
-"Stellar", Incubus  
  
-Don't let the world bring you down  
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold.  
Remember why you came and while you're alive  
experience the warmth before you grow old.-  
-"The Warmth", Incubus  
  
  
  
(Before it all went wrong...)  
  
The two figures reclined on a hillside, faces upturned to the stars, the patchwork of city lights stretched out below their line of sight. One played idly with the strap of a backpack that lay on the sparse grass, ignoring the skool textbooks that spilled from it. The other was silent and still, eyes in what must've been a customary squint, simply staring at the night sky.  
  
A dot of light flew almost languidly across the darkness. The first figure flinched, breath catching in his throat for the merest fraction of a second. A pale hunger rose in lavendar eyes as he traced the star's path, and when it disappeared, he glanced at the other, a sheepish, guilty expression on his face. It seemed she hadn't noticed; her gaze was still on the sky. He forced himself to relax and lay back again; but the need never left his eyes.  
  
"You miss Irk, don't you."   
  
The not-question startled him. He sat up as if on reflex, stared down at the still unmoving form beside him, then growled, "Don't be stupid."  
  
"You wanna say that again?" She sat up as well, one eye open slightly and locked onto his. He met the dangerous glare for a moment, then relented, wrapping thin arms around his knees and resting his chin on them. For a time neither spoke.  
  
When he did, his voice was rough. "They don't want me...they never did. Why should I care for them?"   
  
A harsh laugh met the statement. "Now who's being stupid. That's not what I asked." Confusion and irritation were written on his features, as he gave her a measuring glare. She rolled her eyes.  
  
"I hate people." Her tone had become more even, that of someone trying to teach an infant. "You know I hate humans. They're willfully ignorant, egocentric, xenophobic vermin, not to mention the personal hygiene of most closely resembles that of a moose." He nodded emphatically, and she continued. "They're always putting others down because they find themselves severely lacking, cruelty compensating for impotence and stupidity. The human being is altogether messed up. Something is inherently wrong with all of them. The few decent people on this planet don't come close to outweighing the pervasive cruelty of humanity."   
  
She stopped for a moment, studying him, staring him in the eye. "But this is my planet. The parasites that inhabit it disgust me, but this is my home."  
  
Lavendar eyes widened, then dropped to the ground, unable to meet her amber gaze. She lay back on the shaggy clumps of grass, resumed her previous position. The silence crept back in to fill in the places left open.   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
He glanced at her in slight shock. The tone had been quieter and more gentle than anything she'd used before. His brows knit together slightly as he mapped her figure and face, trying to find the meaning. "For what?"   
  
"Your life."  
__________  
  
Songs written and performed by Incubus. "Stellar" and "The Warmth", album "Make Yourself". "11 am", album Morning View. 


	7. Chapter Seven: Dib -Termination-

Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
___________  
  
Chapter Seven-Dib-Termination  
  
-I hit you and you hit me back  
We fall to the floor/The rest of the day stands still  
Fine line between this and that  
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real  
Now I'm trapped in this memory  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake/Slow to react  
Even though you're so close to me  
You're still so distant/And I can't bring you back  
  
No  
No matter how far we've come  
I can't wait to see tomorrow  
No matter how far we've come I  
I can't wait to see tomorrow   
With you.-  
-"With You", Linkin Park-  
  
-Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting/Reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem...  
  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in   
[Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced  
that there's just too much pressure to take]  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Consuming what is real.-  
-"Crawling", Linkin Park-  
  
You don't need a telescope now. The ships are hovering, just above the city, not only visible but impossible to miss. The purple and magenta shades capture the attention, ensnare it in a death grip and refuse to let go. I wonder what they're waiting for.  
  
The people in the street aren't waiting. Most have given up on governments and gods. They run, screaming, through the streets. The few who still trust to someone to save them are huddled in their houses. Through the windows their faces are lit by the dancing glow of televisions, skin and flesh gaunt and tense in the harsh flickering, pulled tight over boney skulls. If they looked outside they'd know-they won't live to see the declaration of war on the television screens. Their lives are ended and they don't even realize.   
  
At least the looters aren't living on blind faith. They're breaking into the houses and stores that aren't occupied, taking what they can carry and running, presumably on their way out of the city. Rain beats on backs hunched against the wet, the cold; it's somehow dark despite the pale sky. I wonder if he can hear the drops hitting the roof, if it's filling him with that old fear.   
  
I'm about to find out. Water drips from my trenchcoat and pools on the porch as I pause in front of the door, taking inventory. The tools I grabbed from the lab are just as I left them, hidden in the slightly musty folds of black leather. A joyous high-pitched squeal sounds, deep in the yard behind the house. Ignorance must be such bliss. I open the door.  
  
At first there's silence. The place is empty. My feet find their own way into the living room. Several game systems litter the floor before the big screen TV, dangling cords evidence that each had been hooked up and then unhooked to make room for the next. An empty bowl sits on the floor in front of the couch, and a black blanket is thrown haphazardly across the arm, wrinkled. I rub a finger along the cushions. It comes away a deep red-hued purple.   
  
"The mess is your fault. I suppose it's too much to ask for you to clean it up." I can just imagine the look she's shooting at me, can feel it burning into my shoulderblades, that one-eye-slitted-open glare that she'd perfected by the age of two, that never fails to quail any opponent. Never, until now.   
  
I turn and face her.  
  
A gun rests in her hand, a smooth chrome design that doesn't look out of place there, despite the ridiculously large size. Dad gave it to her on her twenty-first birthday. He was always worried about her safety-ironic, considering-but until then he'd trusted me to take care of her. I wonder now if maybe he'd wanted me to protect everyone else from her. But I know too that she won't use it, not against me. The only purpose it had was negated when I came alone.  
  
"There are only two things on this planet I still respect, Dib. And they aren't even from this world. What does that tell you? What does that mean for the unevolved neanderthals you tried so hard to protect? About their worth. About just how much they deserve the salvation you tried to bring them."   
  
"I didn't come here for them."  
  
"I know what you came for." She pauses, opening both eyes to stare at me fixedly. "'Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and Hell is only a poor synonym.'(1) It must've been hard. No respect, no love, shunned by an entire race, no family to speak of."  
  
"You were family enough for me."  
  
"I wasn't talking about you, Dib."  
  
I tuck my hands into my coat, one going into my pocket, the other wrapping around cold metal. "You'd still defend him." Even to my ears it rings flat, not even a statement, let alone a question. We both knew what her place in this would be. "What's left? There's no place in this universe for him, no matter how much you wish it were different."  
  
Her posture becomes a strange mix of defensive and aggressive. "I can't fail. I can't let it happen."   
  
"You won't. There's nothing you can do to stop it." A split second after I've brought my hand up her eyes go wide. A split second after that she's on her knees in the doorway, her hair falling to gravity, covering her face. Involuntarily I wince as she reaches up and rips the hypodermic needle out of the flesh below and to one side of her collarbone.   
  
The paralyzing agent is quick acting. At the stomp of my heavy boots she glances up, head moving slowly as if she hasn't even the strength for that. She glares for all she's worth as I kneel down and pull her up into a sitting position against the living room wall.  
  
Her head lolls to the side slightly; her body falls limp against the wall. Her gaze locks on mine, though, untainted by the lethargy of her body. I don't, perhaps can't, break the eye contact. After almost a full minute she turns away as much as she can. Her eyes remain wide. A single tear runs down her cheek.   
  
"Damn you." Her voice is barely audible. I kiss her once on the forehead, barely noticing as my tears mingle with hers, then rise, and descend to the lab.  
_____  
  
The new hypo slips easily into the chamber. Inside the glass swims a thin blue liquid. It's a tranquilizer we developed in our study of him. Nothing on Earth worked, so we had to improvise and experiment with blends of his technology and ours. The dosage is four times safe levels. Each step sends it up against the sides of the glass in tiny waves, a miniature ocean in a storm, trapped in a bottle. Funny how something so mudane can be so pretty. How something so deadly can be so beautiful.   
  
I expect to have to search for him, for Gaz to have sequestered him in one of the dozens of hiding spaces in the lab, the places I used to sneak into as a baby to watch my dad work. When I get down there I see him standing in the middle of the room, right before the stairs. Waiting for me. His chest is covered in bandages. He's staring at me, unflinching, unblinking, with those eyes that have dominated my entire life. That'll dominate me till the end.   
  
"You're not going to take me back."  
  
"No."  
  
A nod. He knew as well as I that it would end this way. Suddenly I have to ask him, though I don't want the answer, don't want any answers. "Do you regret it? ...Any of it?"   
  
His glare gives me what I was expecting. "I spent a lifetime in blind obedience to beings that would've been overjoyed if I turned up dead. Only once did I feel I was actually worth anything, and that period was cut short all too quickly."   
  
He pauses, stares at the floor. "Do I regret? Yes. I regret I couldn't spend more time with Gaz, with GIR. I regret I ever turned away from my mindless service, that I ever experienced joy of any kind. The presence of comfort only makes its absence all the more painful." Red eyes meet mine, sorrow turning to anger as I watch, and he growls. "I regret ever coming to this forsaken ball of dirt!"  
  
Another pause as he rubs his head, sighs. His gaze turns inward, almost as if he's rethinking his answer. "Regret is wishing that an event didn't happen. ...No. I regret nothing. Nothing but the time I've lost. Time that could've been spent with them...with you."  
  
The anger is gone from his stare and replaced by sorrow, so painful I choke for several moments on the breath hitching in my throat.  
  
"Did you want me to say I'm sorry for trying to take over the human cattle? For the fights we had, the games we played? That's all they were, games." His tone becomes mocking, even more harsh than it had just been. "But the period after, that was a game too, wasn't it? Did you find it funny, how much I trusted you? All those times you bugged me with questions about Irk. At first it was tiresome; I still didn't trust, couldn't."   
  
He turns from me, clenches and unclenches his fists at his sides. "But so much time passed and nothing happened, none of the attack I fully expected. I began to believe it really was simply your insatiable curiousity. That there was no longer anything to fear. It even made me think your disgusting species might not be such genetic rejects after all, that eventually the planet might become something worthwhile."   
  
Suddenly he rounds on me, and I stumble back a step in surprise. Moisture starts to glisten at the corners of his eyes, as he shouts, "You were all I had! You and her! I was a prisoner, but at least I wasn't alone. Then it was gone because of you, all of it gone! Do you have even the most remote idea of what it means to lose everything? Everyone?" All I can do is stare at him, and he stares back appraisingly, coldly.  
  
"Yes, I think you do. You found out the same time I did." In his eyes pity mingles with a familiar contempt, the kind I haven't seen in many years, that was only ever turned on me. Pain lances through my chest, and I tear my gaze from his, from that dominating red. Tears melt everything around me.  
  
The sound of metal on metal screeches off the walls as the back entrance to the lab is opened. A familiar high-pitched, questioning voice echoes throughout the room. "Master?"  
  
I raise the gun and squeeze the trigger.  
  
"Goodbye, Zim."  
__________  
  
(1) Quoted from Salem's Lot by Stephen King.   
  
(2) All songs written and performed by Linkin Park, album "Hybrid Theory". 


	8. Chapter Eight: Gaz -In the End-

Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the sentient dust- bunnies at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
___________  
  
Chapter Eight:Gaz-In the End  
  
-It starts with  
One thing/I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind/I designed this rhyme   
To explain in due time  
[All I know]  
Time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
It's so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watched the time go right out the window  
Trying to hold on/Didn't even know  
I wasted it all just to  
Watch you go  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried/It all fell apart  
What it meant to me/Will eventually/Be a memory/Of a time when  
  
I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter...-  
  
In video games the good guys are always supposed to win. You're supposed to win. Whether you do or not is up to your abilities. If you die it's not the game's fault.   
  
This isn't a video game. In this world, the most we can hope for is to save our little piece of it. And when we can't, whose fault is it?  
  
Life can't be blamed for how fucked up it gets.  
  
I can feel the drug wearing off. Feeling is returning to my fingers, I can move my hands and feet. A lot of good it does me. It's too slow. Too damn slow! It's been too long already, and the delay has cost us everything, I know. I still feel numb, and the drug has nothing to do with it.  
  
A deep, muffled rumbling noise is coming from outside. I can't see out the window; it's blocked by the couch. I don't need to, though, it's obvious enough what the sound is. And all I can do is sit here and listen as it comes closer, strain my ears for some hint of what's going on in the lab. Nothing. For what seems like hours, it's only silence. It's ages before I begin the long crawl down the hall.   
  
I'm nearing the lab door when it opens.   
  
He walks out. His skin is not just pale, it's chalky. His black hair is still in the mess it was in when he arrived, though it looks like he shoved his hands through it a few more times and rubbed it around for good measure. Silver glints in the hand hanging dead by his side.   
  
His eyes are blank. They stare blindly as he passes me without notice. He walks on, to the front door, stands on the porch for a few moments, staring at the sky, at the magenta forms flying over the city, the explosions going off in the near distance. One of the larger ships buzzes the roof, nearly hitting the second floor. He ignores it.   
  
Without a sound he sinks to the ground, stares at them all, and doesn't move.   
_____  
  
I stumble on the last step down.  
  
I don't have to see the still form on the tile floor to know he's...there's no life left in this place.   
  
Before I've reached Zim I can see the small figure curled up at his side. GIR's lying next to his master, clutching his squeaky moose toy. His eyes are dark and empty. There's not a scratch on his tiny body.  
  
Zim's antennae hang limp. His skin is light, almost transparent. There's a hollow syringe beside him. He weighs next to nothing as I lift him into my lap. I fight down a shudder; his back already feels like ice against my hands. A few specks of red dot the bandages wrapped around his chest. It would've contrasted sharply with his usual green tone. His eyes are closed, and I hate myself for being thankful for it.  
  
The sounds get closer. The explosions are very real. The house shakes more than once. The lights go out. I don't bother to wipe the tears from my face, just sit in the dark and hold him. I couldn't be there before; I will now.   
  
The roar intensifies. I sit in the dark and let it all come down.  
__________   
  
-One thing/I don't know why  
Doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind/I designed this rhyme   
To remind myself how   
I tried so hard  
In spite of the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you fought with me/I'm surprised   
It got so [Far]  
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me   
[In the end]  
You kept everything inside and even though I tried/It all fell apart  
What it meant to me/Will eventually/Be a memory/Of a time when   
  
I put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
  
I tried so hard   
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter...-  
-'In the End', Linkin Park-  
__________ 


	9. Chapter Nine: Epilogue

Disclaimer (Don'tcha love these?): Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest Jhonen Vasquez, and his army of doom-sporks, and the winged monkeys of evil at Nickelodeon. Aw, aren't they cute? I do this only out of the deepest respect for the characters and the great, great mind that created them. I mean it. Vasquez, if you're reading...damn you're a genius.  
  
Oh, Dev and Zey, and any other characters NOT from Invader Zim, are mine. If Vasquez wanted to use them he could, but you guys aren't Vasquez, so ask first, please.  
  
Any reviews you give to me will pleeeee-ase Pustulio! Flames will be treated with the same loving care you would expect from Nny, and any survivors will be fed to my pet Velociraptor.  
  
___________  
  
Spectre  
___________  
  
Chapter Nine-Epilogue  
  
Burning was everywhere. The ash of weak cooking fires mingled with the soot of environmental destruction. Had the humans stopped to smell the air they would've been able to distinguish the different textures; the charred refuse from the firepits, scorched mortar and cement from what remained of the buildings, even the smokey flavor of organic material, the trees and grass...other living things.   
  
They didn't stop. The dark cloud had been omnipresent since the first attacks, they had become accustomed enough to not choke on the smoke and stench. They merely went about the camp business. Few noticed and even fewer cared when a man in blackened, stained military dress led a tiny green figure into their midst. Eyes were raised, half-hearted glares sent, but no one seemed willing to waste energy on them.   
  
The alien did his best to ignore the animosity. A former Irken invader in the midst of human resistance members certainly couldn't expect open, friendly hospitality. The general, however, was less forgiving of his men. He met the glares with scathing looks of his own, which turned the soldiers' focus immediately back to the cleaning of weapons and tending of campfires, eyes downcast and sheepish.   
  
"If you have any trouble dealing with your 'peers', inform me immediately and the offending parties will be dealt with."  
  
The Irken's green brows furrowed. "There are still a lot who don't trust us. I can't blame them. Everything learns to hate what brings it pain."  
  
The man's step shifted imperceptibly. "The empire hurt you as much as it did us. You wouldn't be here otherwise, would you? This world appreciates the effort you and the others are making." He paused, squinted into the blasted landscape, which made suddenly tired eyes sink into weatherbeaten, wrinkled skin. "Sometimes I wonder if it'll be enough."  
  
A flash of violet caught the Irken's eye, the only bright color he'd seen in his time on the front lines. Staring into the darkness he spied a lone fire, a long way from the rest of the group. Sitting beside it was a human with short, dark purple hair, playing with what he recognized as a handheld gaming device of human construction. How she managed to get batteries in wartime was beyond him.   
  
The Irken robot propped up against her was an even larger mystery. Its eyes were blank, dark, but it appeared to be some variant of an older model SIR unit. He studied it for a moment, curious, but slowly found his gaze drawn up, to the woman. Her eyes were hidden beneath thick black lashes; he wondered distractedly what color they were. Her bearing was that of a soldier, somehow tense and alert while still at the disturbing ease of one who's truly not afraid of anything. A strange quality to find in anyone that young...  
  
She looked up. A flash of gold and the alien found himself staring into deep amber eyes; anger mingled with pain mingled with regret. Power and sorrow surrounded her in a miasma, an aura that made his breath catch and his skin go cold. After an eon she broke the gaze, turned back to her game, a normal human, leaving him to wonder by Irk and Earth and everything in between what had happened to make her what she was.  
  
"Do you think we stand a chance?"   
  
"Mm?" The Irken tore his gaze from the girl, and turned to meet the frightened but hopeful eyes of the old man. "General...I think we stand a good chance."  
  
The girl's delicate hand rested on the head of the tiny robot, and a small smile quirked at the corner of her lips.   
  
"I think we stand a really good chance."  
__________  
  
-I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end   
It doesn't even matter...-  
-"In the End", Linkin Park  
__________ 


End file.
